Love is a Decision 

Ariele M. Huff

Everything we believe is a decision. We choose among the beliefs others share with us, the proofs we see, the training from our childhood, and the feelings we’ve experienced. It is even a choice to continue believing as we did from our early years. (The unanalyzed life, you know!)

So, here are mine.

1)      Love is not just one thing.

2)      I think of it primarily as a commitment or a promise. Since I love Brad, I stay with him through thick and thin. Since I love my daughters, I say that, to me, they can do no wrong. Since I love my classes, I keep finding ways to teach them for over 30 years!

3)      Which leads to my main requirement from anyone who expresses love to me: loyalty.

4)      Loving feelings come and go. They could also be called affection, tenderness, cherishing.

5)      When I have loving feelings, a warmth and open-hearted sensation go with them.

6)      I often want to say, “I love you” when I have those feelings. While I often have those feelings for people I’m committed to—like my husband, children, pets, long time friends, I can also have those toward people who are passing through my life. Where no intention of long term commitment is on either side.

7)      That kind of love is, to me, a universal love that means something like, “We’re part of the same species or just energy force.” I can feel this for plants and animals too. In a sense, there’s permanence to that too, though we may never physically meet again.

8)      That feeling makes me want the best for the person or entity involved.

9)      Sometimes, that feeling stimulates me to give some commitment—help, money, listening, compassion—even though I don’t expect that person, plant, or animal to stay in my life—and I don’t need that to feel fully loving in that brief time.

10)   In general, I love all life and can often feel that love even when someone is treating me badly or causing me trouble. While this can surprise me on a feeling level, I understand it. An open heart is an open heart.

What do you think love is?