Struggles: Loneliness

Of all the struggles with love, romance, and sex that  I hear about from
people over 50, loneliness seems to be the most common and the worst.

My mother mentioned it often after my father died. She survived him for
12 years and 23 days. My grandmother mentioned it a few times during
the 23 years she out-survived my grandfather. Friends and students also
comment on this factor of aging: loss of spouses, loss of social contacts
through retirement, loss of friends & family through moves and deaths.

The photo below of my mother the year she passed shows a big part of her
network of support. However, she was a friendly woman who managed
to have a male companion in spite of all odds. She cultivated her next
door neighbor--a man of my age--who had been a teacher like herself.
A totally platonic relationship, her time with Dan still fed the need for
companionship. They baked pies together, played with her cat, and
endlessly discussed what it was like to be teachers. Shortly after this
photo was taken, Dan dropped away from their friendship. Later, we
realized he'd not wanted to go through seeing her die, but, at the time, it
was a devastating blow for her. Within a month, she began to demonstrate
what later we discovered were cancer symptoms. She died in about three
more months. Her sense of betrayal at Dan's unexplained absence was
part of it, but just the absence of the almost daily connection was a huge
blow to her quality of life.





Four Generations: Mom, Me, Daughter, Grand-daughter

 Personally, I seldom feel lonely. I have a husband, four daughters (available by phone or

email if not in person all the time), and since I still am teaching writing classes, I have a

large group of people I see weekly. Those groups are highly pleasurable and stimulating.

I read somewhere that just having a place where you are expected to be with regularity

supports living longer and happier lives.

My writing classes do that, and to some degree, even my online writing classes provide

companionship, certainly challenge and creativity.

 

 

 

 This is a photo of a small group of writing students at the Greenwood Senior Center.

Lyda, the woman standing next to me (far left), passed a year ago. The most memorable

thing she said to me was, "If you liked sex when you were young, you'll ALWAYS like it."

I consider her saying that to me a major gift to give to another person.

 

Groups like this are a part of what keeps me feeling needed, interested, stimulated, and

more alive to things like love, romance, and sex.

 

So, thanks, friends!

Ariele